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The End of the World

December 19, 2012

Now, this post may be seen as “Off topic” (as it’s not about weight, health, body issues, etc.) but with the world coming to an end this Friday 12/21/12 (!! so soon !!), I feel that it is actually extremely “on topic.” And we’ll get back to our normal postings if and when the world does not come to an end (so, next week).

end-of-the-world

I wrote this a while back, when I first heard about the end of the world (correction: this end of the world, there have been so many!), but never published it and at this point in time, I figured: why not? If the world is ending, what does it even matter anymore? So, I hope you enjoy this satirical piece on economics and the end of the world (and in response to what an absurd amount of people have been asking–What would you do if you knew it were your last day on earth?–my answer is: eat chocolate peanut butter cups and host my own private dance party. There.)


My Current Economic Plan: 2012

Many, if not most, of my friends—mid-20 somethings with degrees, careers, apartments, significant others—have explained to me recently that they are “saving up.” “For what?” I asked, sincerely. “It’s 2012. Don’t you know the world is coming to an end? What are you saving for?”

And therein lies my current economic plan. In the past few years since graduating college, I have been unemployed, employed, underemployed, and overemployed (this was when I worked multiple part-time jobs to try to scrape by), and I have enjoyed none of these situations at all. What with bills flying at me from all directions (health insurance, car insurance, cell phone, students loans, credit cards, parking tickets, shoe purchases, that time I thought my date was going to pay for dinner and didn’t damnit—my life has turned into a silly Destiny’s Child song!), I have almost never had money sitting pretty for me in the bank, have had to move back home, and have been utterly miserable when trying to even peek at my finances. And so, when 2012 came about with the Mayan prediction of the end of the world, I sighed and said “At last.” Debt be damned, it’ll all be over December 21st! Before the holidays! How glorious!

I am not one of those people who would fight to or accidentally survive an apocalypse or zombie infestation, like the man in The Road or Shaun of the Dead. As soon as I realized that everyone else was gone/walking dead, I’m fairly positive I would have no will to carry on. Living in the middle of nowhere with nothing around me and nobody to talk to? Going up against disgusting creatures covered in blood and goo who have no moral compass or shame? Shouldering the responsibility to perpetuate the human race in an even scarier, more treacherous world than the one I knew before? No thanks. Grateful for the time I had on this earth, moving on.

When I was 24, I worked at a bankruptcy law firm. It was one of the most awful jobs I’ve ever held (and that’s saying a lot) for multiple reasons, but mainly because one of my duties was going through all the unopened bills that clients looking to file Chapter 7 had collected over the years and calculating just how much they owed. Many of these seemingly naïve or irresponsible clients were pretty savvy, however, in that they often accrued as much as they could right before filing. Sure, they’d have that jet ski/fancy motorcycle/house repossessed in no time, but they got to enjoy and pretend these things were theirs for a period, however brief, and live the life they always wanted before it all came crashing down. This is almost a 2012 Economic Plan, but with one catch: life went on. And life after bankruptcy is no fun, this much I learned for sure.

Recently, I received a replacement credit card in the mail with the expiration date 01/2013. “What?” I thought. “Is this some sort of joke? Don’t they know that there will be no 2013?” But many people seem to be operating as if there will be no Doomsday, as if we should not heed Tim McGraws advice to “live like [we] are dying.” I’m not sure if we should ever heed advice from a man who has a cowboy hat permanently superglued to his head, but what I’m actually saying is: good for these “rational” beings, not hedging their bets on a particular day, placing all their metaphorical golden eggs into a single basket.

But, as for me? I’m loving this jet ski.

(Image courtesy of TheBeauseJourPulpit)

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. sexy curmudgeon permalink
    December 29, 2012 11:47 pm

    Eat chocolate peanut butter cups and have a dance party. Oh wait, that’s already taken. Ok -eat chocolate peanut butter cups and ATTEND a dance party hosted by HangryHippo.

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