Weighty Issues: What Losing 180 Pounds Means
Sometimes, I read something that I wish I had written. Or that I wish I could have sat down with the writer and discovered from them on my own, through a meaningful discussion. Most of these writings involve good stories, experiences that I have been curious about or yearned to learn more about.
This piece “What Losing 180 Pounds Really Does To Your Body–And Your Mind” is one of those, as it finally deals with–in an extremely real and intimate way–the psychology behind weight loss and the myths that accompany it. The author opted to get weight-loss surgery and expected her life to magically turn into a fairy-tale overnight–as fat people are taught that life is only worthwhile and love is only possible when you become skinny–and guess what? It didn’t.
When she goes to have a consultation for weight-loss surgery, the doctor makes a comment about how freeing it will be to be in public without people staring or without causing a scene.
He said that like it was a fact about all fat people. All fat people hate themselves. All fat people know that what’s good in life is really only accessible to thin people. Thin is the most important variable in of life’s equations. Thin equals happy, thin equals beautiful, thin equals a life worth living.
The most embarrassing fact of my life – and oh, how many embarrassing facts there are in my life – is that it was true. I was angry at him for saying it, for buying into the cliché of the fat person. For assuming that my life would transform immediately. Because he was saying all the things I had secretly thought. He was reinforcing all the secret fantasies I had about the way everything about me would be more amenable and lovable and acceptable to the whole rest of the world. To everyone on airplanes and everyone in my life. To myself. When I lost all the weight. When I got weight loss surgery.
I wish I could just copy and paste the entire article, because there are so many important realizations and confessions and knowledge that this woman gained (while losing the weight) about sense of self and body image.
The problem was that I lost all those pounds, but I didn’t have to change a thing about my self. I didn’t have to address any of the emotional or psychological issues. I didn’t have to figure out why I had been depressed – why I was still so, so depressed, despite the fact that the one thing I thought had been ruining my life was suddenly gone.
It doesn’t go away, you see. I thought that my body was wrong when I was obese; I thought my body was wrong when I was thin past the point of health. I thought there was something wrong with my body whatever I looked like, because there’s always just one more thing to fix before I look perfect, feel good in bed with hands on my body, feel sexy in a dress or a bathing suit, feel comfortable in my skin.
There have been endless articles recently on body image (when aren’t there?) in the media and on the internet recently that I’ve been meaning to post about, but I feel like this is a good one to start with. It’s amazing to me that these impossible standards of beauty are still upheld (and I subscribe to them too, I am not immune at all) and that people equate outer beauty with inner happiness. If there were as many articles directed towards women on “how to create a beautiful soul” instead of “how to get perfect calves,” I think our world would be a much different place.
(Image courtesy of WiseGeek)
National Eating Disorder Awareness
Last week (February 24th-March 2nd) was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Unfortunately, I was ill all week so I didn’t get a chance to post then, but I still wanted to highlight this important cause as it’s never too late to be aware.
This year’s NEDAwareness Week theme is “Everybody Knows Somebody” because awareness of eating disorders is certainly spreading. Last year, NEDAwareness Week registrants spanned all 50 states and 30 other countries. The aim of NEDAwareness Week is to ultimately prevent eating disorders and body image issues while reducing the stigma surrounding eating disorders and improving access to treatment. Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses – not choices – and it’s important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder.
NEDA asks everyone to do just one thing to help raise awareness and provide accurate information about eating disorders.
This is a really important mission and there are so many different ways to get involved or get help. Please do check out the website and be compassionate and supportive of those around you (or yourself!) if anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder. There is hope and people who care and want to help.
The brilliant Postsecret project featured many secrets these past weeks relating to themes of eating disorders and recovery. Here are some of my favorites:
(Pictures courtesy of National Eating Disorders and Postsecret, both amazing sites doing amazing work)
What Your Hunger is Really Growling
The average American eats 3,800 calories a day. This is twice the average daily requirement.
Obesity has reached the epidemic status, with about 65% of U.S. adults overweight.
$100 billion a year is spent on treating obesity-related disorders.
300,000 U.S. citizens die from disorders caused by excessive eating.
… So who’s hungry?
Hunger is defined in my Biopsychology book as “the motivation to eat.” According to this textbook (which is cited below, and used for all of the facts presented throughout this post because it’s the most amazing textbook I’ve read) the goal of hunger is to increase the probability that we will eat.
The Perfected Self: Technology and the Obesity Epidemic
Recently, I have been trying to catch up on reading that I have been neglecting. And I have also been thinking a lot about developing a weight-loss plan for myself, as winter has gotten the best of me and I have been neglecting my exercise routine and eating many, many carbs. I have been uncomfortable in my body and need a change. Well, the universe seemed to know what I needed when I picked up this article from the Atlantic and began reading: The Perfected Self by David H Freeman.
My younger brother Dan gradually put on weight over a decade, reaching 230 pounds two years ago, at the age of 50. Given his 5-foot-6 frame, that put him 45 pounds above the U.S. National Institutes of Health’s threshold of obesity. Accompanying this dubious milestone were a diagnosis of type 2 diabetes and multiple indicators of creeping heart disease, all of which left him on a regimen of drugs aimed at lowering his newly significant risks of becoming seriously ill and of dying at an unnecessarily early age.
He’d be in good company: a 2007 study by TheJournal of the American Medical Association found that each year, 160,000 Americans die early for reasons related to obesity, accounting for more than one in 20 deaths. The costs are not just bodily. Other studies have found that a person 70 or more pounds overweight racks up extra lifetime medical costs of as much as $30,000, a figure that varies with race and gender. And we seem to be just warming up: cardiologists who have looked at current childhood obesity rates and other health indicators predict a steep rise in heart disease over the next few decades, while a report from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development projected that two-thirds of the populations of some industrialized nations will be obese within 10 years.
Today, my brother weighs 165 pounds—what he weighed at age 23—and his doctor has taken him off all his medications. He has his vigor back, and a brisk three-mile walk is a breeze for him.
Sorry if this sounds like a commercial for a miracle weight-loss program. But in fact my brother did it with plain old diet and exercise, by counting calories and walking. He had no surgery, took no supplements or pills, ate no unusual foods, had no dietary restrictions, embarked on no extreme exercise regimen. He will need to work his whole life to keep the weight off, but he shows every sign of being on the right track. He has changed his eating and exercise habits, and insists he enjoys the new ones more than the old.
Wow, huh? The article goes on to explain that according to the National Weight-Control Registry, 98% of people who have lost significant amounts of weight do not manage to keep off a minimum of 30 pounds for at least a year. Following programs such as Weight Watchers or diets such as Atkins often has a short-term positive effect, with people losing weight and keeping it off during the program or diet, but the long-term results are fairly dismal. I saw this working at a weight-loss camp one summer: most of the campers were repeat customers, who would lose a significant amount of weight during the summer, when their portions were being severely controlled and they were being forced to exercise, but during the school year (when no one was monitoring what they ate or how much they exercised), they would put all the weight back on and more. It is a vicious cycle that I am all too familiar with and it is extremely frustrating and debilitating.
So, how did the author’s brother lose all this weight and maintain his weight-loss? Well, by using new technology to construct his own weight-loss regimen. Using an electronic application on his phone–which the author refers to as “behavioral technology,” making a reference to B.F. Skinner and “operant conditioning”–he was able to gradually but permanently alter his negative tendencies in an affordable, accessible way.
The article is extremely fascinating, exploring Skinner’s theories and how these new electronic aids could “change the way we conceive of and administer health care,” and I highly recommend you click on over and delve into it yourself. And, personally, I was inspired to try one of these weight-loss oriented apps and begin my own exploration into “behavioral technology.”
I have a love-hate relationship with technology: I was one of the last people I knew in my teens to get AIM or an email address, I refuse to own a Kindle or an i-Pod, starting and maintaining this blog has been a constant struggle for me, and I absolutely refuse to be a part of Twitter. But, I adore being able to communicate with my friends instantaneously across the globe via email and (sometimes) Facebook, I enjoy being a part of an online community such as WordPress, and I obviously take advantage of online reading such as the brilliant Atlantic. I also can’t get enough of YouTube…I mean, you can never have enough adorable animals or glorious music videos, right?
Getting a Smartphone was also an intense struggle for me. I wasn’t ready to be so over-connected, I had a hard time learning all the intricacies of the device, and I was just generally unprepared to enter that new stage of my life (I still use a portable CD player, ok?). But, once I adjusted, I can’t imagine being without it. The maps and navigation devices have saved my a** more times than I can possibly count, I love being able to receive and respond to emails immediately, and it’s a lovely companion to have on long train or bus rides.
And so, after reading the article and being inspired, I decided to sign up for “Noom“–one of the top weight-loss apps available. “Together, Noom users have lost a total of 25,500,250 lbs…and counting!” Sounds promising, eh? I was excited by what Noom had to offer: personalized tasks designed every day to help you lose weight, automatically tracking your progress with easy tools, and help staying motivated and sticking to your plan.
The set-up was relatively simple: Fill out a profile–username, password, height, weight, etc. Enter in a weight-loss plan: how much weight would you like to lose over what span of time? Then Noom helped me to figure out a calorie budget: “When you eat more calories than your body needs, it saves them as fat. When you eat fewer calories than needed, it’ll use up these calories and burn off fat. Exercise is hard: exercise doesn’t burn as many calories as we think, so it’s hard to create a deficit with it. To burn off all your meals from one day, you’d have to run a half marathon. 1 Cupcake (~400 cal)=Walk 4 miles.” Ouch, reality check. Based on my height and weight, and the amount of weight I wanted to lose, I was assigned a certain number of goal calories per day to consume, that would be amended when I logged exercise. The daily calorie budget I was given was 1200 calories: if I stayed within this budget, Noom told me, I could lose weight without intense exercise.
Next, I learned how to log meals. There are endless food categories, and portion sizes are measured in cups or softballs. As an example, I logged my lunch that day: a mixed green salad with walnuts, balsamic vinegar, and “half a matchbook” worth of cheese. “You consumed 300 calories” Noom calculated. Your lunch=66% green, 33% yellow, 0% red. Ideal=50% green, 35%=yellow, and 15%=red. So, I did better than the “ideal”? Great!
Now, what does this stoplight of colors mean exactly? Well, green are foods that “make you feel full without a lot of calories–these should make up a majority of your diet. Focus on eating fruits, veggies, whole grains, non-fat dairy, and legumes.” Yellow are foods that “aren’t necessarily ‘bad for you’ but often have more calories than you think. Eat foods like white grains, packaged snacks, low-fat dairy, and nuts in moderation.” And finally, the nefarious red: “Noom doesn’t believe in cutting food out completely, but red foods should be treated as an indulgence. From cake to KFC, you should enjoy only occasionally.” I appreciate that Noom, I really do. Because living in a society where food is a social exchange, where red foods are at every party and get-together and restaurant, it is difficult to avoid these and not desire them occasionally. So, thanks for being realistic about that.
Noom features a built-in pedometer that somehow magically “counts steps all day without draining the battery.” It gives you a goal amount of steps and congratulates you when you go over that goal. It also has a GPS tracker so, when I later took a 9 mile bike ride, it was able to follow my route and determine the amount of calories I burned. This was a bit creepy (I’m not so much a fan of the idea of my technology knowing where I am at all times) but extremely helpful….and disappointing, as I learned that those 9 miles=~450 calories which equaled….4 bananas. FOUR BANANAS FOR 9 MILES OF BIKING! Jeez. What a reality check.
And I think that’s the entire reason why Noom is so successful and helpful. Knowing that I would have to log my meals, knowing that my phone would buzz to tell me how many (or few) steps I had taken that day, knowing that I had no exercise to log that day…I felt responsible and, to be honest, a bit shamed into following my weight-loss regiment. But I needed something external to myself to keep me on track and remind me of my goals.
Noom also helps with the psychological aspect of weight-loss. “What are your goals?” it asked me in one of the personalized tasks. “Why do you want to lose weight? In general, for an upcoming event, belly fat, post-pregnancy, for happiness, comfort, and self-confidence?” “Rate your stress level on an average day, hours of sleep, health conditions, physical limitations.” I think it is so important to incorporate these issues into weight-loss, as it is as much a psychological process as a physical process. And I commend Noom for doing just that.
So, I will keep y’all updated on my Noom experiences. We will see if this Skinner-like experiment as a skinny-like effect on me (bad pun, sorry). It is sure to be an interesting process and hopefully will have beneficial results. Have any of you had experiences with weight-loss or behavior modification technology? Please do share!
(Images courtesy of LuckyVitamin and Kiranthidesigners)
FML: 2013 Edition
Winter weather makes me want to curl up with a giant pizza wrapped around me and snooze while I nibble at my delicious blanket. Seriously.
And thus winter weather is when I end up really packin’ on the pounds. All I want to do is eat carbs! That’s it! I’m not sure if this counts as an FML, but this feature has not been done in a while, so I thought I would bring back Hangry’s favorite FML’s that feature weight, beauty, self-image, and lots of schadenfreude.
- Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn’t have the heart to tell her men can’t have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML.
- Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML.
- Today, I was at the doctor’s for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, “Oh and if you could lose some weight, that’d be great.” FML.
- Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML.
- Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML.
- Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML.
- Today, I yet again purposely avoided the ‘Health and Fitness’ section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML.
- Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I’m now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he’s over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn’t matter because “it’s the girl’s job to look hot.” FML
- Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like FML.
- Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria’s Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, “I wish I looked like that.” He replied with, “Me too.” FML.
- Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML.
- Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said “I can’t do it, you’re really wet. It looks like chicken fat.” FML.
- Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend. He grabbed me double chin and goes “gobble gobble.” FML.
Interestingly, a lot of poultry references in that batch. Hmmm…Anyways! Hope your lives are better than these people’s!
(Image courtesy of Postsecret, another addiction of mine–although that particular secret is not mine, as I do not eat fast food. So there.)
Very Inspiring Blogger Award
So, clearly the world did not end (sigh) and I’ve been MIA for a bit (sorry about that, folks) but I’m ready to get back in the game (put me in, coach!) as the world spins madly on.
But it’s good to be back.
And in my absence, I was nominated for a “Very Inspiring Blogger” award by the lovely and amazing Psychology of Art blog! You seriously need to check this fabulous blog out, as posts such as “Food is Sex” make me jealous that I didn’t write them and inspire me to think about life in different ways. So go check it out!: http://theartofpsychology.wordpress.com/
Now, per the requirements of this award, I must now share 7 things with you about myself:
1. The above song (“World Spins Madly On” by the Weepies) is one of my all-time favorites, that I can listen to on repeat for hours on end, usually in the winter under a warm blanket with a cup of tea and a good friend on the phone. But it’s also put me in a trance on long car drives and The Weepies inspired my friend to gift me a fabulous ukulele and teach me how to play.
2. I play the ukulele, steel drums, Javanese gamelan, African drums and gyll, piano, kazoo, basics of the drum kit…and am currently learning the accordion and harmonica. I’m trying to learn the basics of every instrument possible and I adore making music.
3. If I could, I would eat pizza every.single.day.
4. Two of my favorite movies are “Amelie” and “Lars and the Real Girl.”
5. I’m a night owl.
6. I want to travel and scuba dive the whole world. Anyone want to buy me a plane ticket?
7. My weekly yoga class is keeping me sane.
Yay! I am quite honored to be considered an inspiring blogger, and will now share with you 15 blogs that have inspired me. Thanks so much for reading!
http://www.thegreatfitnessexperiment.com/
http://steamboatfriday.wordpress.com/
http://leisureguy.wordpress.com/
http://celiacandallergyadventures.wordpress.com/
http://healthygirlandthecity.wordpress.com/
http://lesleycarter.wordpress.com/
http://www.notnormajean.blogspot.com/
http://candiasanders.wordpress.com/
http://happypanky.wordpress.com/
http://thefatstruggle.blogspot.ca/
Please do check them all out and thank you all for the wonderful writing you do and inspiration you provide!
The End of the World
Now, this post may be seen as “Off topic” (as it’s not about weight, health, body issues, etc.) but with the world coming to an end this Friday 12/21/12 (!! so soon !!), I feel that it is actually extremely “on topic.” And we’ll get back to our normal postings if and when the world does not come to an end (so, next week).
I wrote this a while back, when I first heard about the end of the world (correction: this end of the world, there have been so many!), but never published it and at this point in time, I figured: why not? If the world is ending, what does it even matter anymore? So, I hope you enjoy this satirical piece on economics and the end of the world (and in response to what an absurd amount of people have been asking–What would you do if you knew it were your last day on earth?–my answer is: eat chocolate peanut butter cups and host my own private dance party. There.)
My Current Economic Plan: 2012
Many, if not most, of my friends—mid-20 somethings with degrees, careers, apartments, significant others—have explained to me recently that they are “saving up.” “For what?” I asked, sincerely. “It’s 2012. Don’t you know the world is coming to an end? What are you saving for?”
And therein lies my current economic plan. In the past few years since graduating college, I have been unemployed, employed, underemployed, and overemployed (this was when I worked multiple part-time jobs to try to scrape by), and I have enjoyed none of these situations at all. What with bills flying at me from all directions (health insurance, car insurance, cell phone, students loans, credit cards, parking tickets, shoe purchases, that time I thought my date was going to pay for dinner and didn’t damnit—my life has turned into a silly Destiny’s Child song!), I have almost never had money sitting pretty for me in the bank, have had to move back home, and have been utterly miserable when trying to even peek at my finances. And so, when 2012 came about with the Mayan prediction of the end of the world, I sighed and said “At last.” Debt be damned, it’ll all be over December 21st! Before the holidays! How glorious!
I am not one of those people who would fight to or accidentally survive an apocalypse or zombie infestation, like the man in The Road or Shaun of the Dead. As soon as I realized that everyone else was gone/walking dead, I’m fairly positive I would have no will to carry on. Living in the middle of nowhere with nothing around me and nobody to talk to? Going up against disgusting creatures covered in blood and goo who have no moral compass or shame? Shouldering the responsibility to perpetuate the human race in an even scarier, more treacherous world than the one I knew before? No thanks. Grateful for the time I had on this earth, moving on.
When I was 24, I worked at a bankruptcy law firm. It was one of the most awful jobs I’ve ever held (and that’s saying a lot) for multiple reasons, but mainly because one of my duties was going through all the unopened bills that clients looking to file Chapter 7 had collected over the years and calculating just how much they owed. Many of these seemingly naïve or irresponsible clients were pretty savvy, however, in that they often accrued as much as they could right before filing. Sure, they’d have that jet ski/fancy motorcycle/house repossessed in no time, but they got to enjoy and pretend these things were theirs for a period, however brief, and live the life they always wanted before it all came crashing down. This is almost a 2012 Economic Plan, but with one catch: life went on. And life after bankruptcy is no fun, this much I learned for sure.
Recently, I received a replacement credit card in the mail with the expiration date 01/2013. “What?” I thought. “Is this some sort of joke? Don’t they know that there will be no 2013?” But many people seem to be operating as if there will be no Doomsday, as if we should not heed Tim McGraws advice to “live like [we] are dying.” I’m not sure if we should ever heed advice from a man who has a cowboy hat permanently superglued to his head, but what I’m actually saying is: good for these “rational” beings, not hedging their bets on a particular day, placing all their metaphorical golden eggs into a single basket.
But, as for me? I’m loving this jet ski.
(Image courtesy of TheBeauseJourPulpit)









